he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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