I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
