I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Sext me about skeletons
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
