I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
