Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
