I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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