just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
