So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
