he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
