69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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