At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
