I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
