My nipple is on Facebook.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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