I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
