She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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