I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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