Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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