mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
