mondays should just be called national damage control day
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
