I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
