i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
