I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
