I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Randomize
