now i know why i became what i already was.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
