i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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