I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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