You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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