im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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