In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
