if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
