I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
