the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
everyone is single if you try hard enough
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
50% drunk capacity currently
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
