Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
