I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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