Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
