At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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