I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
