Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
