But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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