i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
