Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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