You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
