im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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