Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
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