Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
