Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
