I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
