I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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