where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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