I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
