the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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