final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
