totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
