Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
