Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
