Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Someone shattered a urinal.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
