She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
