How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
